*Click*

Do you remember when you were younger and that one chick you hated, or that dude you were beefin' with would get phone calls all day from you just so you could hang up on them when they answered???  I mean, even the Mama could get a *CLICK* if she picked up when you called.  Dude, like what was that about?! 

Just some passive aggressive way of getting back at somebody that you're pissed at.  Those days are not only dead, but they're no longer recognizable to me.  However................I have recently gotten some phone calls from some people that instead of me calling them and hanging up, i would've enjoyed just hanging up on them while already ON the phone with them... i mean just a good old fashion *CLICK*!!!!!!

I'm coming to grips with the fact that i have some seriously superficial relationships in my life.  It's weird because, while not every relationship has the same depths as the other, these relationships i thought were... deep.  So just like the Sleep Number Bed, i'm recalibrating some thought processes.  You see, i'm more than positive that right now, somebody is on the phone gossiping about me to somebody else about something that i just said.  <<<<-----That right there.... lets me know that I've let some in wayyy too close.  I'm dealing with it.  Now i must pull it back.  You can't just come out of the door giving it all to everyone.  My husband has been dealing with me on this for years.  He's totally closed to people and i'm totally open...we're both learning to give and take in the proper areas. More specifically I'm learning to give me to only a few that have a track record of trustworthy...not just to those i'm hoping to trust one day.

I'm positive of several things:

• My issues have more to do with trust than anything else
• There are some that make it difficult for me to trust them because they talk too much
• My trust should be with God and not man

That list makes sense to me, but it's contradictory to some.  And that's okay, because it only needs to make sense to me.  I'm just realizing that I'm too quick to trust and i'm too quick to *CLICK* on someone.  I believe the BEST in everyone and that's how i get hurt so quickly and so profoundly.  I give my all and expect the same in return- that's not wisdom.  I pour myself out to those around me, i fiercely protect those i love.  Then there i stand, naked & unprotected.  Well, that only leaves me pissed off and feeling betrayed.  That's when i want those i feel left me that way, to hear that *CLICK* in their ear.  They will, and now I'm struggling to care!!!

*CLICK*
(just venting)