Birth & Death

"Being bitter is like drinking poison and expecting somebody else to die"... this is a quote i heard yesterday on the 700 Club. I was taken aback by how straight forward it was. It made sense, yet the implications of being bitter always seemed to elude my understanding. You can reason in your mind why being bitter hurts only you... but that quote really hit the ball out of the park for me!

Am I bitter? Like sugarless lemonade. lol Just being honest. It seems like these last few months of my
pregnancy, the people in my life have been acting like natural common sense is ROCKET SCIENCE. The birth of my son has been marked by the death of many relationships and things. It's like, all of a sudden the things that would cause you to hesitate and think twice about doing, are second nature when you have a child growing in your womb. Like the things you would entertain and take from people are over... why? Where does that instinct come from? It's automatic, and requires no second guessing.

There is one person in my life that has seemingly made a lifetime career of hurting me. Like i'm in their laboratory and their trying out new ways to hurt me. I've sucked it up, forgiven them, looked the other way and just tried to deal with it solely because of their position in my life. Now that i'm about to have my son, looking the other way and just sucking it up somehow seems more costly now. Somehow doing this will hurt me and my son. I haven't really figured this out yet... but this thing has come to a head. Something that is really out of character for me is the fact that there will NOT be any conversation about it, no explanation will be offered as to why i'm excusing myself from this person's life. I usually wanna talk about it and at least give the other person a chance to state their case in hopes of us being able to come to the middle about it. Not this time.

My husband and I have been talking about it extensively because I'm so in shock by my own callousness in this situation. Yet, something i'm just getting in touch with is, when you're a mommy or about to be one... doing whatever is necessary for your little one to be in a place of peace and comfort is as easy as breathing. What i'm desperately trying to do is make sure that I don't become bitter about this decision. This person has always sat in a place of honor to me, mostly because word says to do this... but now, i'm over it. They are the epitome of evil to me... the manipulations and lies have gone to a place of no return and instead of trying to make excuses for this person and trying to overlook their evil, i'm leaving them alone.

It's heartbreaking and all... but OH SO necessary! Necessary for my own peace & comfort... necessary for my growing family's peace & comfort... nuff said.