The scene: I'm sittin' here, Jasmine incense filling my nostrils, twirling the swollen kinks in my long hair. Feeling calm. This season has been an extremely interesting one. I've been walking with my Savior, allowing Him to show me every tactic that the enemy uses against us. Some were "AHA" moments, some were complete discoveries. This, however---> totally unexpected.
Over the past few days, the Lord has been revealing to myself and my husband, that the weapons we've used in the past were ineffective. I mean, not just ineffective... more like USELESS! Imagine my surprise when the Lord is flat out saying things like, "This is why you lose".... yeah... with the FAT 'L' on my forehead. Although, I was aware of the fact that the weapons we're supposed to fight with, aren't the human weapons we're used to, I have apparently still been using said weapons, expecting to win.
Anger-
[Eph. 26-27]
"Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life."
I was out for revenge. I wanted to "get" satan... like, what does that even look like?? Who can even tell me what it looks like to "get" satan?? I don't even know what that fool looks like, let alone "get" him... and when I did "GET" satan... what was I gonna do to him? Foolishness!! I wasn't just angry though... angry is a pretty and frilly word to describe a current state of being upset about something. I was BITTER!! Bitter is more of a BOTTOM LINE state of being. I mean just chew on a bucket of ice cold lemons with NO salt and you'll begin to see what I mean --->that was me. I don't even know why I'm saying "was" because the way I see it, this is gonna take a while. Here I've been seething mad at satan, as if bitterness and anger alone was gonna make him stop messing with me. Much like the way dogs growl at those they feel are a threat to them. Let me break this down:
More times than not, anger comes from fear. Have you ever met somebody that was sooooooooooooo mean to people, but when you really got to know them, they're the sweetest person you've ever met? They are that way because of fear. If they can intimidate people enough, then people won't too much mess with them, or discover just how soft they are and possibly hurt them in some way. Afraid to love, afraid to be hurt... just afraid. So... it comes out in anger.
That was me. I've spent just about my whole existence in fear of loving people and life, the way I should because I've been hurt so badly along the way. Now I see it this way: Being mean, makes me a punk. Loving with my whole heart, even when faced with being badly hurt, makes me brave. I'm learning to be brave.
On the fighting front: Love is the strongest weapon we have in the whole GAMUT of weapons! 1 John 4:17-18 -There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. If the reason for my anger and bitterness is fear... then this scripture points to love as my cure. You can NOT, I repeat, CANNOT cure your own heart. If you could, it would've been taken care of a long time ago! Who wants to live like this?? The only way for it to be done at all, is for God to do this one all on His own. Luke 16:15- He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts..."...
I don't know my heart. So here I am, understanding that number one, If I want to fight and win, I'm gonna have to love HARD!! Number two- my fight is not to square up with satan and think that it's goin' down like that, rather, my fight is to stay in line with God and what He has for me. To deny the enemy access to me through his many efforts and means to trip me up. This has been the main idea of this Valley Battle series that I've been in: That Love is and will always be the ONLY thing that conquers and obtains the victory. Much different from where I began, because I was [understandably] pissed off when I discovered some of the things that the enemy was doing to hurt and threaten me and mine. However, now, the Lord is desiring to heal my heart, thereby, winning my battle through love. <<---when you write contracts all day, the words "thereby, hereunto & herein" become a ridiculously irritating recurrence in your vocabulary *sigh*... but I digress...
God desires your heart, the enemy seeks to ruin it, to make it muddy and hard...but My God wants to make it clean-again- soft, good and strong. I choose His way...
This might just be the end of this particular session in The Valley... but we'll see.... I know that I'm not done learning... so I'm sure I'll be back soon.
Love you all.. Pray my strength and my continued Evolution...in The Valley...
No comments:
Post a Comment