SoapBox Hypocrite

This is what i want you to do.  Everytime you get up on your soapbox and try to tell somebody else to do something you haven't even BEGUN to master, it pisses me off!  You LOVE to talk about the church... aren't YOU the church?  You love to talk about ghetto people... don't even LET me start in on you about that!!!  You LOVE to hate the very things that you ARE!  Here's a tip with love...

Sit down please... wait until those areas of your own life are right before you stand before the jury trying to convict another.  You're the biggest critic i know and i still have yet to see all that you preach to others, manifest in your own life.  I'm calling you out... and you better feel swell that i'm not doing it by name.  Beat it!  And oh  yeah... TALK TO THE HAND....TALK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moving Forward on my Journey...

I'm deep into my journey... walking along on my path.  Trees are everywhere and I know there's a dense forest ahead... yet i keep walking and searching.  Searching for the depth inside.  That place that is buried because, well, i just like it that way.  We bury things we want to go away.  I'm now in a scary season.  A season where i'm digging up my own bones to bring them back to life.  I will either revive them long enough to make them extinct once and for all or ... or i don't know what.  Maybe that's the only reason I'll revive them. One way i'm going to succeed in this season: I'm keeping my promise to nurture my blog and forsake Facebook...this is gonna be difficult. 

Facebook is the devil for me! lol No. Serious. It is... i find that it distracts me and makes me angry.  All i want to do is judge people and point the finger and it makes me feel justified in my judgements!!

 Or does it?  I realize sometimes that being on Facebook and pointing the finger only distracts me from my own mess.  Now I'm sad.  I'm sad because there are things i could say to help some folks... yet how can i help somebody when my own life is in shambles?? I would be a fool to say anything at all!

I have way too much going on in my own life and walk to be worried about another.

So here I am.  I'm here.  Taking the necessary time to be introspective to gain perspective on what comes next.  I feel so frustrated.  When you're forced to peek in back of you to see the carnage you've left behind and then wonder how in the HELL you're going to make it better... i just-don't-know.  I don't feel like i have anyone i can talk to about it, other than God... who is definitely all I need... but you want others to see you and advise you as well. 

I don't care who judges me.  I don't care who sees my mess and points at me.  I don't even care if rumors start from seeing it!  I just want it to GET BETTER!  I don't know why i feel depressed sometimes... i don't know why sometimes i can't feel Christ working in my life the way i know He is.  These are questions that i feel are necessary to be answered moving forward.  "Moving Forward"... that's truly all i want. 

Matthew 10:16

Like, who am I really fighting here?  Why does it seem like brand new enemies are appearing out of no where?  I've always had this feeling that i needed to stand alone because people just aren't trustworthy... i know it says that we wrestle NOT against flesh and blood and that our battles are in the spiritual... but what is to be said about these people that allow the enemy to use them???  Are we to just overlook the fact that these folks, having free will, just allow the enemy to use them to hurt others?  These people with their flaky, sometimey ways... these people who go behind your back to discuss every word that comes out of your mouth... same folks that CLAIM to be of God, yet live their lives in blatant disrespect of His Majesty.  Why have i let them so close to me?  I feel stupid.  Why don't i have enough sense to shut the door on folks like these? 

Stealth mode.  I can't trust you.  Although you've proven yourself untrustworthy, i won't change... and you really wont know that i've found you out.  All you'll know is, "Wow, she really doesn't talk as openly to me as she used to".... that day will be awesome for me!  It will mean that i've learned how to give what is necessary and control my mouthgate!  I'm way too emotional about this stuff, yo!  Lord, melt the icebox forming around me... don't allow my heart to become hardened against your people!  Holy Spirit help me to continue on in my love, but give me wisdom on my own conduct around these people who are too ignorant to know that what they do, is harmful! 

I feel better.  Blogs are a blessing because it allows me to release in ways that i can't do with many!

Matthew 10:16- Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves

I shall endure until the end though....