iJerk= For real!

Today, started off with a bang.  And not a good one.  I told my husband that if he didn't start complimenting me more and validating me that i would start really liking it when other men did.  He was none too happy, to say the least.  I was pissed OFF.  Here I am, just bought a new shirt that i thought he would enjoy.  I twisted my hair up extra nice so that he would think it was really cute... and theeeeennnnn...=nothing=!  I felt really bad.  Like i was invisible.  When i brought it up to him, i had to choke back my tears i was so upset.  He tried to say that he told me i looked nice in the kitchen this morning... but i didn't hear it.  Yeah right!!!  I told him that women really do look to their husbands to make them feel pretty and that we really just want to be adored.  ((maybe didn't say it in that tone or words))  But that was the gist.  He was so pissed that he basically said that i was just insecure; i'm sure he said it just to hurt my feelings.... but was he right? 

I do think i have some insecurities, i mean who doesn't... but i never thought that wanting my husband to tell me i'm "pretty" meant that i was insecure.  Maybe i am.  LOL... sounds pathetic when i read it in typed print.  Why do i need his validation at all?  Why does it matter what he thinks at all???  I hate being that dependent on someone... even my husband.  I need to sort this out in my brain... because on the one hand... i really don't think there's anything wrong with looking to your husband to compliment you... but then again... it just sounds really pathetic.  Women, most of the time unknowingly, seek the attention and approval of men.  We even judge ourselves according to how many men compliment us now apposed to when we were younger and "thinner".  We may not vocalize it, AT ALL, but we do notice when the compliments come fewer and far between.  It makes us sad.  And that's just with strangers!!!


Imagine how i must feel when my husband, the man i sleep with everyday, doesn't even notice me anymore?!?!  I'm not saying ever.. but on those days when i feel extra cute... it would feel so much better if my husband thought so too.  I'm being really transparent right now.  I usually never talk about my marital issues on here, but today this had to come out.  What I said to him i meant.  He's my "homecourt", and if I'm not receiving the attention I need in my "homecourt", i may start enjoying the "external" attention a lil too much!  Yes, i was mad when I said it but it's true.  I don't want to be validated by some random perv on the street... but if this is one of my needs that i have so clearly expressed, then it will be fulfilled in one way or another.  I sound like a straight jerk... but at least i'm an honest jerk!