I guess it's been a while huh? lol... I haven't committed to this website and I should because it gives me great peace to just come on here sometimes and just vent you know?? Well I'm going to give you something a lil different. I'm going to start a prayer journal instead of just a blog... i'm going to be really transparent with you all on here because I believe even if you don't say anything, it's possible that my struggles will help some of you cope with things... maybe even inspire you to want more from God and not be afraid to ask for it =)
2009 so far=
This year has been an eye-opener. Some of it very painful but some of it extremely liberating... When we don't live our lives to please God He will sometimes blind us of our mess... that is until He's ready to reveal to you the carnage you've left behind. Well 2009 began with a violent tearing away of the scales that were blinding my view of myself. It was painful and so far has led to a lot of nights on my face crying out to God to make me better. However, it made me free. Free of living in ignorance of myself and the things that I do. I'm thankful for that. Things that I thought i'd gotten over, my ways, my mouth and most of all my total lack of understanding where my purpose is concerned= it has been a huge awakening for me. I'm a 28 year old woman who has lived through horrible things that i mostly brought on myself and now i just want it all to stop. My faith in Christ should have given me peace through the storm and stability in waivering times but... i realized this year that although i believe that He is God... i didn't believe a WORD He said. Yeah... a WORD. I realized that i really don't stand on anything when faced with tribulation. I allowed the emotional aspect of it all sweep me in to overhaul and just dealt with it... without a fight.
Well i woke up... now i'm out of agreement with all those things that tried to hurt me and trick me into believing in them. I'm done.. and i'm ready to take a stand... on God's Word that is.
Here are the things that I strongly desire in 2009:
Peace
Love
Joy
Real Relationship with God
What is Good
What is Happy
What is Sweet
What Flows
Clarity
Direction
Fearlessness
Boldness
Concentration
Integrity
Wealth
Health
Abundance of Life
Children.
I want them NOW! I'm not afraid to ask for them anymore... all. at. once.<
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