Red blood, pink tendons and muscle... and finally white bone. It's all exposed. The Lord is peeling back the layers like an onion. I'm both excited and horrified at what's beneath. I'm seeing the bitterness and anger that lies beneath the surface. In fact, if i were to get cut by a knife, what would come out first would be bitterness, then anger...and finally blood; that's how close to the surface these issues are. I feel slighted and I plan my escape knowing that it's not the will of God. I'm an "axe dropper" that's just what i do. The Lord has been trying to teach me to just ride out the bumps for years. I get the trigger finger and just start poppin' my gun. It's interesting that we walk around with these beautiful faces and snazzy clothes but our insides are stank and grimey like dirty clothes.
I wish people could see what i see. I see things in an obscured way... I have to be honest when I say that I'm not really seeing the truth of things. Lord please heal my heart. I need to be freed up of mental and emotional space so i can see the truth. I'm on a path of healing and I don't plan on getting off anytime soon. I feel that now is the time, if there ever were a time, to get free. I feel like a slave waiting on my "papers" of freedom. Yet the Lord came to set the captive free. "Why do you just put your stuff out there like that Chelle", you ask. I put my stuff out there because I'm still moving in Christ, I'm still actively conquering my territory, I'm still getting freed up everyday WHILE being a complete and utter mess! People need to see and know that you don' t have to have it all together in order for the Lord to use you. I'm transparent. I have problems. I'm still in shambles in most areas of my life. Yet I still seek the Lord...blind folded and all because I know with my relentlessness and persistence, the Lord removes another facet of my bondage. If i refuse to give up, He will honor it. So, with every milestone I complete, the Lord heals another open wound.
I will continue to be exposed... i expose myself so that another may be covered. Amen!
